How the Peace Corps Prepared me for Pregnancy

 I know what you’re thinking.  

“Awwww heck, Kelly done got herself pregnant in the Peace Corps.  Ha!”

Well, sorry to disappoint (or provide with a great sense of relief, Mom and Dad), but I am definitely not pregnant.  However, if I ever were to get pregnant, I totally have that whole thing on lock down. 

Nine months with no caffeine or alcohol?  Nice try, pregnancy.  I already went two years without a steady source of Mountain Dew.  If my body could handle the chemical sludge withdrawal before, I’m sure it’ll be even easier the next time around.  And as far as alcohol goes, a proper lady never drinks in her village.  And I’m high class.

Overly sensitive to odors?  I’ve walked down an alley filled with trash, feces and urine in Cambodia, and totally held it together.  I think I can handle it. 

People always commenting on how big you are and trying to rub your stomach?  People do that to me all the time…and I’m not even pregnant.

None of your clothes will fit well?  Done.  I’ve looked like a bag lady for about the last year.  Turns out, hand-washing your clothes does not help them maintain their shape.  That and the constant weight gain (Darn you, rice!)/weight loss (I bike 50k on the reg) saga that is my Peace Corps life.  I haven’t worn anything that didn’t contain an elastic waistband since leaving America (Wow…that’s actually horrifying).

Morning sickness?  Try “first six months of service” sickness.

Hormones making you feel like you’re on an emotional rollercoaster?  Yesterday I laughed for about 5 minutes at this:

I was discovered yelling “TOP HAT, WHY ARE YOU TAKING ADVANTAGE OF ME?!?!?!?” at my computer during a very heated game of computer monopoly, and I started to tear up when I was talking to someone about how hard my students were studying for the upcoming spelling bee.  I don’t even think I have a hormonal imbalance.  This is all just coming to me naturally. 

Nine months seem like a long time to carry a child?  That’s less than half of a Peace Corps service. BAM. 

You have to poop and pee in front of people when you’re in labor?  I’d rather not get into it, but let’s just say that it happens to everyone in the Peace Corps at least once. 

After it’s all done, you have a whole new person for whom you are responsible for the rest of your life? 

Oh right…I have no idea what that’s like.  

But other than that, you can see how the two situations are quite similar.  I really think the recruiting office should start working this angle more. 

*Disclaimer: this blog is meant, in no way, to belittle the efforts of the pregnant people of this world.  I may be in the Peace Corps, but being pregnant is way too intense for me.  Please don’t kill me in a hormonal rage.